Send in a survivor!

I think about the young LDS missionaries when I see them riding around. Nice young kids, looking well dressed and well groomed and well mannered and utterly perfect. But if they come to my door I will politely tell them no thanks, and good luck.

Not that I do not believe their sincerity or admire their commitment. I do ! My only problem is that they are so young and fresh faced and perfect and what could they have been through that could convinve me that their religion is the best, or their connection to God is the most assured? What have they been through?

SEND me Viktor Frankl, who survived the holocaust and went on to bring humanity logotherapy.

SEND me a parent who has lost a child, and found the courage to go on.

Send Me A political prisoner who has been freed by a campaing of letter writing and international pressure. If you send me Nelson Mandella or any other freed prisoner of consious, I will let them in and hang on their every word. (I realize Mandella has other priorities but you get the idea).

SEND someone who has lost everything and learned to love deeper and find more meaning.

SEND a former crack prostitute who has burns from a meth lab accident, and saw the light in the kindness of a hospital nurse.

Send a feral cat, and see if I can feed it. See if I can not feed it.





But God, if you keep sending these eager young well meaning kids, Im going to put them to work pulling weeds! Ok then Ill give them lemonade, but I am serious about the weeds.

what can we do?

Just saw Inconvienient truth...
taking day off from co2

WHATS THE ANGRIEST NUT?

Pistachio!

There stands the glass

DO YOU SEE THE GLASS AS HALF FULL ?
DO YOU SEE THE GLASS AS HALF EMPTY?
IF YOU THINK LIKE A SCIENTIST ITS ALWAYS FULL.
FULL OF AIR IS GOOD TOO! WE DONT LIVE IN A VACUUM!
IF YOU DO NOT BREATHE YOU WILL DIE!

Can you see the glass for the glass? Thousands and thousands of grains of sand united and clear, keeping you from getting all wet?

cen

100 days into 2007!

IMMIGRATION SOLUTION

The people of Mexico have an immigration problem. Every spring they have to deal with thousands of Spring break college students and the nudity, disturbed peace, and drunken obnoxiousness they bring. And then there are the retired folk coming in and Speaking English, the vacationing families using all of Mexico's sunscreen suply, and the shady criminal looking to lay low. All very hard for a society to absorb.
On the other hand they have another immigration problem. They lose valulable human resources to the United States. And that is just an economic cost, which does not include the emotional cost of having a family broken up for economic reasons, and then having to face the prospect of this family member being at great danger by berzerk vigilanties called the minutemen. As if the trek into the US was not dangerous enough, they have to face Yosemitte Sam and Elmer Fudd like characters who seem hopped up on stimulants.
SO, as self appointed czar of border fairness I propose these solutions.

1. For Every Mexican the US takes we have to give two Americans. Mexican Immigrants work at least two jobs usually and thus are worth at least two Americans.

2. Improved enforcement of laws in both the US and Mexico. We hereby agree to not let criminals like that Creepy Max Factor heir escape to Mexico. Flashers on Mexico's beaches will be sent home early with no souvieners. Law enforcement will be expected in both countries.

3. As many Illegal aliens pay thousands of dollars to some smuggler to enter the US, we will have a new deposit of $2000 to enter this country, and then the Immigrant shall be given a ride to which ever city needs some work done, and recieve a gift basket with coupons and a handbook explaining the basics of our culture. Scratch that, we will include HAPPY DAYS dvds. The adventures of the Cunninghams and the Fonze will have to do, and I think looking at my generation (x) we can agree that the Happy Days is the best indoctrination into American civilization. "Ayyyyyyyyy"

4. As language is a huge barrier for our Continent, all citizens shall learn American Sign Language. Thats right, on both sides of the border. Right now! Fine, you are going to be lazy about it, we all have to learn French. They get to have a masculine /femine language, we get to keep our Eurocentric outlook. I hear any grumbling about this and we all switch to Esperanto! Then William Shatner (who starred in the only full length Movie made featuring Esperant as the language) will be the obvious choice for president!

More terms later, maybe even a new blogspot for this new self appointed office, Thanks, Art
(known as Arturo to fans of Latin Languages)

TANCREDO FOR PRESIDENT!

Tancredo for president!! Of the Daughters of the American Revolution? Of The KKK? Of the American English Xenophobe Council? Perhaps the president of a homeowners association which needs, oh so desperately, the stong will of the rugged individual that is today's conservative, to stop such grave injustices as off white paint and above ground pools.

But president of the United States of America? "HISSSSSS"

And to think one million dollars will be wasted to promote his fear mongering views.

global climate change

Hello! Well I am being given a grant by some big oil companies to study global warming. Or as they like to say "just kicking the ol thermostat up a notch. Now, I went in with scientific proposals but the guy from Halliburton said that was not necessary. The important thing was to find conclusions they liked before getting started, then making the conclusions fit in with the science stuff. Easy enough! So without further ado or testing of any sort here are my findings (scientific).

1. Global warming is not real but is just a vast conspiracy of dry cleaners wanting us to wet our pants in fear.

2. Global warming, though not real, will make your popcorn pop fluffier and bigger and crunchier than ever before.

3. Women who are nursing should avoid global warming and nursing while operating heavy machinery.

4. The smug bi-coastal lifestyle will not seem so great, smarty smarty arty farts.

5. Operation Iraqi Liberation is not about petroleum, no matter what the acronym spells.

6. If global warming continues at its current rate, Alan Alda will age naturally and one day die. BUY YOUR MASH Memorabilia NOW!!!

7. According to the boat research council, as waters rise around the world, look for boating to be more popular than ever.

8. Global climate change will help your teeth look their whitest!

9. Global warming is not real. I get paid $10 every time I write that!

10. People who think global climate change is a critical issue are not reading enough US magazine and are being totally speciest, with no aparent appreciation for the vast habitat this will create for amoebas, eels and prehistoric beasts.

SO, for information on how to succeed in an era of global warming and make $10 from everyone you contact, simply send $10 to the PO Box listed at the end of this page. Thanks, and again, global warming is not real. KACHING!

DUBYA ADMITS WAR AN ERROR! AND FESSES UP TO LIES AND CORRUPTION!

April fool!